cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
