its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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