hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
