Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
