I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
