Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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