I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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