Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
