He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
