i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.