You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids