Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.