dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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