I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.