Texts From Last Night

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  (954): View more from Florida

  He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"

  (954): View more from Florida

  Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.

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  (954): He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?" (954): Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall. http://tfl.nu/238l
  Replies (15) Good night (812) Bad night (2947)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny

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  (734): TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny http://tfl.nu/rat0
  Replies (24) Good night (1166) Bad night (3497)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.

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  (262): Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face. http://tfl.nu/let7
  Replies (4) Good night (799) Bad night (3500)
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.

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  (316): And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you. http://tfl.nu/vzzi
  Replies (7) Good night (3976) Bad night (1174)
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever

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  (901): we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever http://tfl.nu/yt63
  Replies (7) Good night (1153) Bad night (5684)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  ... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.

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  (816): ... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night. (314): I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it. http://tfl.nu/jfox
  Replies (7) Good night (4355) Bad night (1026)
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.

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  (941): I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies. http://tfl.nu/7vuv
  Replies (4) Good night (1571) Bad night (664)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..

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  (518): I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls.. http://tfl.nu/o5go
  Replies (3) Good night (639) Bad night (545)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.

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  (201): Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together. http://tfl.nu/7gqm
  Replies (18) Good night (1403) Bad night (683)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.

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  (813): My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester. http://tfl.nu/4ngv
  Replies (1) Good night (1197) Bad night (371)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..

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  (814): My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime.. http://tfl.nu/op0p
  Replies (2) Good night (968) Bad night (343)
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?

  (1-479): View more from Arkansas

  You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.

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  (479): Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him? (1-479): You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring. http://tfl.nu/rmw0
  Replies (1) Good night (799) Bad night (269)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.

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  (415): Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth. http://tfl.nu/zrpp
  Replies (1) Good night (302) Bad night (481)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.

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  (847): I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas. http://tfl.nu/dr57
  Replies (3) Good night (984) Bad night (214)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look

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  (402): Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look http://tfl.nu/8mmn
  Replies (3) Good night (508) Bad night (125)

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