Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
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I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
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This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.