I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
