if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
