I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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