i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
soo... how was my night?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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