They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
