The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
