Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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