Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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