I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
