I think I died a long time ago.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Randomize
