Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
