im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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