dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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