Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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