Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
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