Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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