that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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