I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
