So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
