he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
