Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
