After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
