You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Still dying that you shit outside
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
