It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
