he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
