Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
