She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I can feel your judgement through the phone
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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