I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
