True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
