2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
