Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
