Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
The uberlube is also flammable
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
