I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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