What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
