Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
