Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
