thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
