I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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