we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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