I just saw a hot homeless man
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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