Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
