I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
