At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Randomize
