my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
