So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
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