you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
My feet surprised me
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