I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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