dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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