he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
