i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
