I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
