just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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