can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
