It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
