I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
