Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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