I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
