Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize