I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
