I puked a lego.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
