why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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