Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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