Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
