She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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