if i can run in heels then i can drive
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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