Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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