: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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