I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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