she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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