If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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