I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
