where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
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You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize