My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You are the jesus of drinking
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
