I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
