my soul wont recognize me after tonight
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
