I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
