When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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