Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
