she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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