All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
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