apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
